The way we relate to ourselves is a key feature of our overall well-being, and understanding the different aspects that make us individuals is one of the important ways to practice good mental health. It is much easier to work with knowns than unknowns; doing the work to develop and maintain good mental health is therefore a process of discovering the psychological aspects underlying our unique selves.

Two often-conflated but critically different aspects of our identities are self-esteem and self-compassion. In terms of their influence over our daily practices, behaviors, and experiences, these are very distinct aspects of our inner lives. Understanding them – and crucially, the difference between them – is an important part of pursuing good mental health and psychological well-being.

What Is Self-esteem and Why is it Important?

Self-esteem plays a crucial role in overall psychological health and well-being. It influences how individuals perceive themselves and their place in the world and affects their motivation, emotional resilience, and social interactions. High self-esteem is associated with positive mental health outcomes, including lower levels of anxiety and depression, greater life satisfaction, and a willingness to engage in healthy relationships. When individuals have a solid sense of self-worth, they are more likely to take risks, pursue personal goals, and cope effectively with challenges, leading to a more fulfilling life. However, while self-esteem is important, it is equally critical to balance it with self-compassion, as the latter fosters a more stable and unconditional sense of self-worth.

What is Self-compassion and Why is it Important?

Self-compassion is increasingly recognized as a vital component of mental health and emotional well-being. It entails extending kindness to oneself during moments of failure or difficulty, which promotes emotional resilience and a more balanced perspective on life’s challenges. This emotional buffer fosters healthier coping strategies, enabling individuals to acknowledge their suffering without exacerbating it through negative self-criticism. Additionally, self-compassion fosters a greater sense of connectedness to others, as it encourages recognizing one’s shared humanity and reduces feelings of isolation. Ultimately, cultivating self-compassion not only enhances individual well-being but also contributes positively to interpersonal relationships and overall life satisfaction.

Differences between Self-esteem and Self-compassion

Internal vs. External Focus

Self-esteem typically involves evaluating oneself in comparison to others. It is often rooted in external validation, where individuals measure their worth based on achievements and social standings.[1] In contrast, self-compassion is characterized by a more objective and unconditioned sense of self-worth, emphasizing understanding and kindness towards oneself regardless of performance.[2] This means that self-compassion fosters a sense of connectedness with others instead of a competitive self-evaluation, which can be a result of self-esteem.

Reactions to Successes and Failures

Individuals with high self-esteem may react defensively to failure, as threats to their self-worth can lead to anger or withdrawal.[3] Conversely, self-compassionate individuals view failure as part of the human experience and respond with understanding and support. This allows them to learn and grow from setbacks.[4] This difference can lead to more constructive coping strategies in the face of challenges; while self-esteem can be helpful in feeling worthy enough to take on new challenges, it can make the stakes for success feel higher. Self-compassion is a necessary tool for responding gracefully to the inevitable failures that characterize everyday life and recognizing them as important lessons instead of processing them as painful or even shameful memories.

Stability Over Time

Self-esteem can be unstable, often fluctuating based on the circumstances and social comparisons of the moment.[5] In contrast, self-compassion provides a more stable sense of self-worth that is less affected by external factors. This stability arises because self-compassion is based on an inherent sense of humanity and acceptance instead of personal achievements. This also applies to the cultivation and embodiment of these two practices across time; self-esteem comes and goes, often in relation to our recent achievements in various arenas, such as love, work, school, or family. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is built up slowly over time through the cultivation of careful habits and positive reinforcement.

Overall Role in Well-being

Research shows that while self-esteem is a healthy feature of individuals that allows them to meet the world with confidence and to believe in themselves and their abilities, it has also been linked to narcissism and can result in greater defensiveness and intolerance.[6] Conversely, self-compassion correlates positively with emotional well-being, life satisfaction, and resilience. Individuals who are high in self-compassion report lower levels of anxiety and depression, which indicates that a compassionate approach may foster healthier mental states compared to the more conditional and mercurial nature of self-esteem.[7]

Understanding the critical differences between the various aspects which make up our internal lives is one of the key ways to practice good mental health across a lifetime. And, in the journey to well-being and health, having the knowledge to know how to help yourself along the way is key.

Sources:

[1] Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2001). The narcissism epidemic: Living in the age of entitlement. Free Press.

[2] Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. HarperCollins.

[3] Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593-623. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.108.3.593

[4] Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027

[5] Brown, J. D., & Marshall, M. A. (2001). Self-esteem and emotion: Some thoughts about the self. Emotion, 1(4), 355-372. https://doi.org/10.1037/1528-3542.1.4.355

[6] Simmons, J. P. (2004). Self-esteem and its consequences. Journal of Personality, 72(1), 123-137. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-3506.2003.00248.x

[7] Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the Mindful Self-Compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28-44. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.21923