If you do not say goodbye, you cannot say hello.

In a world where connections—whether romantic, platonic, or therapeutic—are central to our lives, the significance of healthy closure often goes unrecognized. While relationships begin with excitement and promise, their endings can be complex and emotionally fraught. Unfortunately, many people tend to avoid healthy closure, leaving relationships unresolved as a result of angry exits, passive disappearances, or other unspoken farewells. However, embracing the process of saying goodbye in a healthy, mindful way is essential for emotional well-being and personal growth.

Why Healthy Closure Matters

In the simplest terms, closure is about honoring the end of something. Without it, relationships leave unresolved feelings and open loops, which can linger long after the connection has ended. Closure provides a sense of completeness and understanding, allowing individuals to move forward with clarity, peace, and emotional balance.

Healthy Closure:

• Prevents Lingering Resentment: When relationships end without proper communication or closure, people often harbor feelings of anger, regret, or confusion. Unresolved emotions can fester, leading to bitterness or even distorted memories of the relationship. Healthy closure gives both parties a chance to air their feelings, express their concerns, and leave without unresolved tension.
• Encourages Growth and Reflection: Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic relationship, or a therapeutic connection, each relationship offers valuable lessons. Healthy closure provides an opportunity to reflect on the relationship’s impact, acknowledge the positive moments, and learn from the challenges. Without this reflection, individuals may struggle to fully integrate the experiences and may carry unresolved issues into future relationships.
• Fosters Emotional Maturity: Closure requires open communication, vulnerability, and the courage to face difficult emotions. By engaging in this process, individuals develop emotional maturity and self-awareness. It teaches them to navigate endings with grace rather than avoidance, anger, or withdrawal.
• Releases Emotional Energy: Unfinished relationships tend to consume emotional and mental energy. Without closure, people often replay conversations, question their actions, and dwell on the “what ifs.” Healthy closure allows individuals to release that emotional energy and redirect it toward new beginnings and healthier connections.

The Work of Fritz Perls and the Role of Closure in Therapy

 Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy, emphasized the importance of closure within therapeutic relationships and processes. Perls believed that unresolved feelings and unfinished business from relationships and experiences accumulate over time and can manifest as psychological distress. In his view, the way we end relationships is as important as the way we begin them, and the absence of proper closure leaves us stuck in unresolved emotions.

In Gestalt therapy, a key practice involves encouraging individuals to express their unresolved feelings. At the end of therapeutic sessions or workshops, Perls often asked participants to reflect on their experience by sharing their regrets, resentments, and appreciations. This simple but powerful act helped people reach a sense of completion with the therapeutic process.

By expressing these feelings, participants were able to:

• Acknowledge Unspoken Emotions: Holding on to resentment or regret without addressing it leads to internal conflict. By verbalizing these feelings, individuals can gain a sense of resolution.
• Honor the Relationship: Even in relationships that didn’t end ideally, there are often positive aspects worth recognizing. Expressing appreciation helps balance negative feelings and reinforces a sense of closure.
• Release Psychological Tension: By addressing unfinished emotional business, individuals can move forward without carrying unresolved baggage.

Perls believed that without a proper goodbye, a new hello is not possible. In other words, if we don’t acknowledge the end of one relationship, we might unconsciously carry unresolved emotions into the next, preventing us from being fully present in new connections.

The Consequences of Unhealthy Endings

When relationships end through anger, avoidance, or silent withdrawal, the consequences can be emotionally damaging for both parties involved:

• Angry Exits: When people leave a relationship by building a case for why the other person was at fault, they often do so to justify their decision. While it may provide temporary relief, this type of ending can leave the other person feeling attacked and confused and can also prevent the exiting individual from acknowledging their own role in the relationship’s end. This lack of accountability can hinder personal growth.
• Silent Disappearances: Disappearing without explanation—sometimes called “ghosting”—is a common but harmful way to end relationships. It leaves the other person feeling abandoned, unsure of what went wrong, and often leads to self-doubt or insecurity. Disappearing denies both parties the opportunity to process the relationship’s end and learn from the experience.
• Avoiding Difficult Conversations: Avoidance might feel easier in the moment, but it only postpones the inevitable emotional processing. When people skip the hard conversation of saying goodbye, they often remain stuck in unresolved emotions that can resurface later.

Creating Healthy Closure in All Relationships

While closure may look different depending on the relationship, a few key principles can guide the process:

• Acknowledge the End: Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a therapeutic relationship, openly acknowledging that the relationship has come to an end is crucial. Ignoring or downplaying the significance of the ending can lead to unresolved emotions.
• Express Your Feelings: Healthy closure involves expressing your emotions—both positive and negative. Share your regrets and frustrations, but also acknowledge the good times and the lessons learned. Balance is key.
• Listen to the Other Person: A true sense of closure involves both parties. Listen to the other person’s perspective and validate their experience. Understanding their point of view can offer insights and promote mutual healing.
• End with Gratitude: Even in challenging relationships, there is often something to be grateful for. Ending a relationship with gratitude can provide a sense of closure, allowing both parties to part with mutual respect rather than animosity.
• Give Yourself Time to Process: Closure isn’t always immediate. It’s okay to take time after the relationship ends to fully process your emotions. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking therapy can help you navigate this process.

Healthy closure is an essential but often overlooked part of the human experience. Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a therapeutic connection, the way we say goodbye influences our emotional health and future relationships. By embracing healthy closures, we open the door to new beginnings—giving ourselves permission to say a new hello.

Fritz Perls’ insights on the importance of completing the emotional business of a relationship continue to resonate today as a reminder that closure is not just about endings—it’s about the growth, understanding, and freedom that come from fully experiencing both the goodbyes and the hellos in our lives.