So many of our adult coping patterns are created when we are very young. The various ways we learn to meet the world early in our lives, quite naturally, become a familiar toolkit for negotiating the rest of our lives. Psychological research has shown that there are patterns in our behaviors which can be linked back to that which we experienced in our early childhood. One of the key relationships in this respect is between early attachments and current coping mechanisms. Much has been written and said about attachment styles in the field of treatment and recovery, especially in recent years. I myself have written about attachment styles in the past, in several different contexts.
Yet, more often than not we tend to approach attachment theory from the perspective of trauma: how insecure or absent attachment in childhood, because of a narcissistic or abusive parent for example, very often results in unhealthy and damaging coping patterns in adulthood. We seldom focus on how secure attachment early in life comes to shape strong coping patterns for high-functioning individuals later in life. Understanding this is an important part of our overall understanding of coping strategies and is especially important for parents of children and teens to learn.
Attachment Theory: The Basics
Attachment theory originally comes from the work of British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby (1907-1990). He described attachment as the “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” [1] In other words, attachment refers to our feeling of being connected, or attached, to other human beings. Bowlby also showed how attachment was formed in childhood and discussed the various developmental and mental effects it had on individuals as they aged.
There are generally four accepted attachment types, which psychologists and psychology researchers use to help understand individuals who are finding it difficult, for one reason or another, to connect and attach to others in meaningful and healthy ways. These are as follows:
Avoidant Attachment
This is an insecure attachment style which is understood to be a result of parents who were emotionally distant, overly strict, absent, or neglectful. This results in strong self-reliance and autonomy in adulthood, but with coping mechanisms which are born of a fear of relying on others.
Ambivalent Attachment
Also called anxious-ambivalent, the ambivalent attachment style normally forms when a parent or caregiver is inconsistent, unpredictable, or unstable. This results in a deep fear of rejection, a need for constant reassurance, and difficulty spending time alone in adulthood.
Disorganized Attachment
This is an attachment style which is very often formed when individuals experience abuse, threat to life, or neglect: circumstances where children experience fear and a chronic lack of safety. Later in life, adults with a disorganized attachment may experience a deep fear or rejection and inability to self-regulate emotions, as well as exhibit anxiety, panic, and erratic behaviors.
Secure Attachment
Secure attachment arises from a sense of security, when parents are reliable and loving and able to provide consistent care and support for children. Adults with secure attachment styles have a good ability to trust others and self-regulate as well as a high sense of self-worth.
Let’s look a little more closely to see how and why this happens.
Secure Attachment in Childhood, Strong Coping Mechanisms in Adulthood
It’s not hard to understand how experiencing secure attachment with a parent or caregiver in childhood informs a good pattern for coping that lasts well into adulthood. For most people, the most important relationship we have in infancy and childhood is with our parent or primary caregiver. And, according to attachment style research, it is our closest relationships that have the most profound effect on our well-being. [2] When children feel safe expressing their emotions, they are able to learn to do so freely and in ways that work for them. Emotional regulation is a skill, and having a secure and loving relationship within which to practice that skill has powerful and long lasting effects.
A study in Hungary, for example, has shown a strong relationship between non-secure attachment styles and suicidal behavior. Through analysis of 357 participants between the ages of 18 and 85, the researchers were able to show that those who exhibited non-secure attachment styles as a result of childhood trauma were significantly more likely to attempt suicide. However, importantly, the study also found that individuals who had traumatic childhood experiences but who had worked with a therapist towards a secure attachment style were significantly less likely to attempt suicide than those who had not done any attachment work. [3]
Another famous study of attachment styles conducted in the United States over a period of more than thirty years was able to distinguish key features of early childhood attachment as coping patterns in adulthood. For example, people in the study who had secure attachments to their mothers early in life, particularly where they experienced consistency, warmth, and support, were then able to bring those qualities to relationships and challenges through adolescence and well into adulthood. Importantly, this study also highlighted the important role that friendships play early in life. As the lead researcher on the project notes, in general, if you had high-quality friendships and felt connected to your friends in childhood, then you felt more secure in romantic relationships and friendships at age 30. [4]
Many factors influence our coping strategies, but one key influence early in life is the attachment we form with our parents and caregivers. Equally important can be early friendships, which are often fostered in loving and supportive homes. But secure attachment can also be worked towards later in life; those who experienced insecure attachment or trauma in childhood are not doomed to struggle with poor coping patterns for the rest of their lives. Working toward healing and recovering from early harms and developing strong and healthy relationships later in life can make an enormous difference to happiness and well-being.
To learn more about how our team of trauma-informed therapeutic professionals can help you work toward secure attachment, visit the Contact Us page and reach out. We are here to help.
[1] N. Fuertes, Jairo et al. “Sex, Parent Attachment, Emotional Adjustment, and Risk-Taking Behaviors”. International Journal of High Risk Behaviors and Addiction, Inpress, no. Inpress, 2016. Kowsar Medical Institute, doi:10.5812/ijhrba.36301. Accessed 9 Jan 2022.
[2] Reddy (2024). Attachment style and relationship satisfaction among early adults. World Journal of Biology Pharmacy and Health Sciences. 19 (01), 282-289. https://doi.org/10.30574/wjbphs.2024.19.1.0440
[3] Szeifert, N. M., Oláh, B., & Gonda, X. (2025). The mediating role of adult attachment styles between early traumas and suicidal behaviour. Scientific reports, 15(1), 15855. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-025-00831-8[4] Nuwer, R. (2025). How Childhood Relationships Affect Your Adult Attachment Style, according to Large New Study. Scientific American. November 1. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-childhood-relationships-affect-your-adult-attachment-style-according-to/
