Bipolar disorder is a serious mental health condition which affects an estimated 2.8% of adults living in the United States.[1] In past blogs, I have explored bipolar disorder by detailing what it is and explaining how it manifests in individuals who are struggling with it. I have also written in the past about how to manage bipolar disorder within the family system and offered a range of tools for those who have a loved one struggling with bipolar disorder.
While it is important to understand what bipolar disorder is and how it manifests, here I’d like to take it one step further and begin to explore what it means to actually live with bipolar disorder day-to-day. One of the most important aspects of the work we do as psychologists and counselors is to provide compassion to those in treatment and recovery; one crucial element of that compassion is paying attention to the stories of individuals who are struggling with their mental health.
After briefly detailing bipolar disorder, I will examine some of the experiences of individuals who live with bipolar disorder, including how they feel, how they manage, and how they understand their own experiences with this condition.
What is Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder is characterized by alternating and chronic episodes of mania and depression. Mania refers to periods of heightened energy, confidence, and mood: people experiencing mania will often talk endlessly, sleep very little, have wild ideas and plans, and take unnecessary risks with their physical well-being. Depression refers to periods of lessened energy: people experiencing depression will often sleep a great deal, have intense feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, shy away from social interactions, and feel unable to complete routine daily tasks. Bipolar disorder is very often misdiagnosed at first, as it takes several cycles of these changes between mania and depression for it to be properly recognized. Treatment involves therapeutic and medical interventions, and with the proper plan in place, individuals with bipolar disorder can lead successful and happy lives [2]
Living with Bipolar Disorder
Many studies have been conducted which explore the experiences of people who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In addition, many individuals who have struggled with bipolar disorder have written memoirs about their experiences. One of the most famous memoirs is by Kay Redfield Jamison, a clinical psychologist and researcher who has struggled with bipolar disorder for most of her life. In her memoir, An Unquiet Mind, Jamison writes about her experiences with both mania and depression and how they affected her life. She also draws on her expertise as a psychologist to inform her understanding of her own experiences and describes bipolar disorder as a condition that is, “unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering.”[3]
Understanding that bipolar disorder contains so much nuance is a key feature of being able to provide support and compassion for those who struggle with it. Below, we will take a look at some of the complex themes that emerge from studies of bipolar disorder and accounts from those who live with it.
Confusion and Frustration
Two of the main emotions that individuals who are struggling with bipolar disorder experience are confusion and frustration. Confusion is common in a great many mental health conditions, particularly when symptoms first begin to emerge. With bipolar disorder, it is common for individuals to be uncertain as to what they have done or who they were when they did it.
Frustration is also a common experience for those who are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, particularly when dealing with the medical classifications and systems around their condition. In a 2019 study of bipolar patients’ experiences getting diagnosis and treatment within the United States, one person interviewed said, “[m]y doctor didn’t believe in diagnosing me with my bipolar disorder. He thought it was an overdiagnosed disease.” Another interviewee stated that it felt like they were being hurried through the process of diagnosis and treatment so that the next person could be treated.[4]
According to Darian Leader, author of the book Strictly Bipolar, this is often due to the lack of time that medical staff have and the pressure they feel to treat patients as quickly as possible: “Fine-tuning medication and finding the right balance of drugs might be crucial, but they risk eclipsing the other work that is necessary: the careful contextualization of the changes that the person experiences during an episode.”[5]
Shame and Fear
Alongside confusion and frustration, individuals who are struggling with bipolar disorder often encounter feelings of shame and fear. The way that moods change in bipolar disorder can be jarring and frightening for those who experience it; what’s more, the effect that these mood changes have on loved ones can elicit shame for individuals who are experiencing them after the fact.
British actor and comedian, Stephen Fry, who has been open about his experiences living with bipolar disorder, speaks about experiencing a constant sense of edginess over the course of his life and of being fearful of himself and the things he might do.[6]
In a 2020 study of individuals with bipolar disorder, many of the interviewed individuals shared that they had experienced a great deal of shame relating to their condition, telling researchers that they felt worthless and that they questioned themselves endlessly, asking things like, “Why are you like this?” and “Why do you do this?”[7]
Joy and Capability
However, it would not be fair to those who live with bipolar disorder to only focus on the negatives. Many people who exist successfully with bipolar disorder find plenty of joy in their condition. Returning to the experiences of Kay Redfield Jamison chronicled in her book, she speaks of feeling energetic, intelligent, and capable and credits many of her early academic and professional successes to her bipolar disorder.[3]
A 2009 study of individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder also found that many of the individuals who live with bipolar disorder found as much joy and capability as they did difficulty and pain, so long as their condition was managed and they had the support of family and friends. Individuals told researchers they felt intelligent and imaginative and that “there were many things to do and little time to do them.”[8]
For many people, bipolar disorder is not a condition so much as a feature of their personality. Once diagnosed, countless individuals around the world go on to thrive in their respective fields, enjoying fulfilling personal and professional lives as well as earning the admiration of others. While there are difficulties and darkness associated with bipolar, there is much love and light as well. Together, we can all work towards destigmatizing bipolar disorder by recognizing and celebrating the individuality of everyone living with this condition.
Sources:
[1] Harvard Medical School, 2007. National Comorbidity Survey (NSC). (2017, August 21). Retrieved from https://www.hcp.med.harvard.edu/ncs/index.php . Data Table 2: 12-month prevalence DSM-IV/WMH-CIDI disorders by sex and cohort .
[2] Jain A, Mitra P. Bipolar Disorder. [Updated 2023 Feb 20]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK558998/
[3] Jamison, K.R. (1996) An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. Vintage Books, Random House, New York.
[4] Cerimele, J. M. et al. (2019) Bipolar disorder in primary care: a qualitative study of clinician and patient experiences with diagnosis and treatment. Family Practice. Feb; 36(1): 32–37. Published online by Oxford Journals. 2018 Apr 5. doi: 10.1093/fampra/cmy019
[5] Leader, D. (2013) Bipolar memoirs: What have I done? The Guardian. Friday April 26th. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2013/apr/26/human-touch-in-bipolar-times
[6] Fry, S. (2006) Stephen Fry: My battle with mental illness. The Independent. Sunday September 17th. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/stephen-fry-my-battle-with-mental-illness-416386.html
[7] Zolfi Kashani A, Ranjbar H, Rasoulian M, Shabani A, Ghadirivasfi M, Mohammadsadeghi H. (2020) The experience of patients with bipolar disorder from diagnosis disclosure: A qualitative study. Med J Islam Repub Iran. Apr 20;34:36. doi: 10.34171/mjiri.34.36. PMID: 32617275; PMCID: PMC7320983.[8] Ng, E. (2009) Heartache of the State, Enemy of the Self: Bipolar Disorder and Cultural Change in Urban China. Cult Med Psychiatry 33, 421–450. https://doi-org.ezproxy.uio.no/10.1007/s11013-009-9144-4
